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Three Ways To Build Internal Validation and Stop Being a People Pleaser
Learning to value your own opinion the most.
I recently watched a clip of an interview of Lena Dunham by Drew Barrymore. In typical Drew fashion, she asks Lena “When do you feel most beautiful?” Lena has a pretty thoughtful response, that she feels most beautiful when she is directing film or tv and feels like she’s in charge but also like a facilitator of the creative processes of others.
I asked myself this question and came to a pretty disappointing answer. I felt most beautiful when being told that I was beautiful by someone else.
This someone else could be pretty much anyone; someone I’m dating, a sweet elderly woman at Trader Joe’s, or a random man on the street. Receiving validation from any human meant more to me than anything I do myself, including making art, teaching or practicing yoga, working with children, singing, or dancing. Nothing that I could do or think myself carried the same weight as the input of a complete stranger.
I have long demonstrated all of the classic signs of being a people pleaser including apologizing for my existence, consistently feeling anxious that I have somehow made someone unhappy or that someone doesn’t like me, and being unable to say ‘no’ to almost anything requested of me, among others.
